


The Things That Fade

by UisceOneLove



Series: Still Hank [1]
Category: X-Men (Movies), X-Men - All Media Types, X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014) - Fandom, X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: All about them sad feels, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Sex, But not sorry at the same time, Emotions, Established Relationship, Hank and Alex getting it on for their wedding celebration, Hank has Alzheimer's, I'm Sorry, I'm evil to my precious baby, Knotting, M/M, Marriage, SO SO SAD, Sad, Sex, Shotgun Wedding, The kids love to support their teachers in love, a lot of heartbreak, attempted suicide, i cried, i hurt myself, i'm a monster, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-13
Updated: 2015-06-13
Packaged: 2018-04-03 16:53:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4108120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UisceOneLove/pseuds/UisceOneLove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was little things here and there in the beginning. </p><p>Lapsing on the affection Alex always had in that nickname like the previous time in the lab, or he’d forget a word when it was right on the tip of his tongue. There were a few times he would be in the middle of a conversation with Charles and he would suddenly blank on what point he was making. Once he ended up in the jet’s bay and forgot why he was there in the first place. </p><p>Or in other words, the world where Hank gets Alzheimer's and is forced to see his world crumble.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Things That Fade

**Author's Note:**

> So I came up with the idea of doing this while watching Still Alice. I'm crying on the inside and out. I'm a horrible person for writing such sad evil things. 
> 
> But nonetheless enjoy!

The first time it happened was when Hank was working in his lab. He’d recently decided to give the serum another try, there were new mutations that he could test to see if they’d help Charles without taking away his abilities again.

Without Sean around, Alex had taken to spending his boredom messing with things in the lab or hanging off Hank’s shoulder watching the scientist work. At first it annoyed Hank, but over time and the evidence this was never going to stop, he grew used to it. When they started dating it only seemed like a natural thing for his boyfriend to hang around. Even if Alex didn’t understand most of what he did.

That day in particular Alex was sitting up on the table, legs kicking back and forth. He looked bored out of his mind, nothing different than usual, but Hank was focused on the blood sample he got from Logan. With Logan’s healing properties, there was a chance that it could heal the damage to Charles’s spine.

“I’m bored.” Alex sighed out. Exactly five minutes since the last time he’d done it.

“Why don’t you go out and do something with some of the students, then?” Hank suggested with is usual response, eyes still in the microscope as he analyzed the blood. Alex groaned and dropped onto a nearby stool in an exceptionally exaggerated manner.

“Because I foolishly thought it’d be romantic or some crap if I tried to spend time with my boyfriend.” He answered as he crossed his arms.

“While I appreciate the gesture, I won’t be done with the round of experimentation for at least another half hour.” Hank straightened up and looked at the blond. “I bet Scott would like it if his brother went out and spent some time with him.”

“I see exactly what you’re doing.” Alex huffed.

“I wasn’t trying to hide my intentions.” He pointed out. He fixed his glasses and stepped closer to him. “Some brother bonding would likely be more fun to you than being in here waiting on me.”

“Why can’t we do some bonding instead?” Alex’s arms went around the beast’s waist while he nuzzled his neck. “Some making out with my Bozo sounds a lot better.”

A growl started in Hank’s chest. The sound made the blond jerk back in shock and stare up at him. “Whoa, what’s wrong?”

“You really never get tired of talking about my feet, do you?” Hank snarled, fangs poking out from behind blue lips.

Alex’s mouth hung open as he blinked. The look slowly changed as he nodded, brows pinching together and his mouth screwing into a frown. “I call you it all the time, Hank. You know it doesn’t mean shit.”

The moment of rage melted to leave a matching confusion. The beast shut his eyes as he turned away, taking off his glasses to pinch the bridge of his nose. “Right.” He mumbled. Furry cheeks were flushing purple with embarrassment.

“Are you okay?” Alex voiced from behind him. A hand touched his arm in a comforting gesture that Hank didn’t push away.

“I’m fine.” Hank assured. He looked over his shoulder with a grimace. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I said that.”

“You’ve been absorbed in retrying this serum.” Alex reminded. “Maybe it’s that big brain of yours telling you to listen to me and take it easy.”

It _was_ plausible. Hank recalled his last real night of sleep being a few nights ago. He sighed and nodded, covering Alex’s hand with an enormous paw.

“We can take a nap in the bedroom.” Alex stated, giving the paw a tug to lead Hank out of the lab. The scientist gave in and stored his work before letting the blond take him from the lab. Perhaps he did need a rest. Then he could come back to this afterwards. Or when his boyfriend allows him to. 

* * *

 It was little things here and there in the beginning.

Lapsing on the affection Alex always had in that nickname like the previous time in the lab, or he’d forget a word when it was right on the tip of his tongue. There were a few times he would be in the middle of a conversation with Charles and he would suddenly blank on what point he was making. Once he ended up in the jet’s bay and forgot why he was there in the first place.

There were even some dates with Alex that he was spacing out on and it would take the furious laser shooting blond to storm into the lab or library ready to chew his ass out on it.

Hank could only hypothesize that it was some form of memory loss due to stress. It would be far too early to suspect something worse. That would have just meant worrying over nothing. He was fine. He had to be fine. From now on he will simply take more rest like Alex wanted. Outside of the numerous moments of coitus, that is. 

* * *

 “Hank? What on earth happened in here?”

The beast looked up from where he was a shaking huddled mess in the corner. The lab he loved was destroyed; counters crushed, test tubes shattered all over the place, dangerous chemicals threatening to contaminate the room from where they linger along shelf edges.

In the lab’s entrance is Charles. The man—Hank remembered him having hair, when did that disappear? —Moved inside. Glass crunched underneath the wheelchair while things began to clean themselves up. All while the professor gave Hank a contained look of worry.

Wait, when did Charles start using a wheelchair? That wasn’t right—did something happen? Did he miss something, did Shaw attack and that’s why this happened?

“Alex didn’t do this, did he?” the older man asked, looking around some more for the signs of burns from Havoc’s plasma beams.

“N-no, it—I did it.” The panicked beast answered, immediately drawing more concern from the telepath. The wheelchair stopped a few feet away from him and it only made him try to shrink even more. He was ashamed on top of it all for Charles to see this. To see him.

“What do you mean?” Charles asked, brows pinched together as his eyes clouded with worry.

“I’m a monster.” Hank’s voice was filled with despair as he looked up at the telepath.

Charles’s frown deepened. “Hank we both know that you are nothing of the sort.”

“Look at me!” He exclaimed. “I’m a freakish beast, Charles! I can’t—I don’t even remember how I-I got like this!”

The quiet that fell after the outburst was palpitating. He didn’t understand why the telepath was looking at him that way. What was he going to do? How was he going to face the others like this? It’s the perfect set up for Alex to mock him while Erik gives that condescending smirk.

“Hank,” Charles called his name gently. The beast jerked his head up enough to look him in the eye. “What’s the last thing you remember?”

What kind of question—oh, well, he _did_ just say he can’t remember why he became a _beast_ …

“Samples.” He mumbled in answer, reaching to push his glasses up further on his nose but aborting with an alarmed spazz when the giant paw was in his face. Oh right, he wasn’t HUMAN ANYMORE! “I-I collected a blood sample from Raven to test.”

“Oh, Hank,” The telepath breathed. Why did he have to keep looking at him like that? Hank wasn’t comfortable with the trepidation.

But it also cemented the permanent feeling of doom. Something was wrong and Hank had a horrible feeling that it was only going to get worse. 

* * *

 He supposed he should have figured out it would happen.

It took the help of Charles and Logan to put together an at home CAT Scan and MRI.  They’d gotten some strings pulled (Charles pulled them mostly) to get them. Upon Hank’s request Sean and Raven had kept Alex far away from the lab during the test durations. He couldn’t stand to see the fear on the blond’s face.

He couldn’t stand it even more when he had fleeting moments of confusion over why Alex would even be afraid for him.

Charles, young compassionate Charles, was the one to hand over the results with unhidden devastation. Hank looked over the x-rays for several minutes hoping that they’d change spontaneously.

A sad end to a great mutation.

A sad end. That’s all he’s going to be now.

Alzheimer's.

The word itself was every brilliant mind’s nightmare. To have their lifetime of work struck down by an unstoppable neurodegenerative source without any ways of stopping it. Their own body was destroying them. The flourishing capabilities his mind was able to offer would now come crashing down.

His mutation was destroying him. It allowed him to be far more intelligent than most older than him, why wouldn't it also cause a case of this disease now that it's passed its peak?

All the work and achievement he’s gotten will be taken away from him over time. All the studies in his lab will poof from his thoughts. Every good memory that he’s been able to make since meeting Charles Xavier and Erik Lehnsherr will be for naught.

Every second he’s had with Alex will be ripped away.

Until he is nothing but a shell. If he is lucky he will still be able to remember words.

Hank didn’t believe in luck. He believed in statistics and facts. All the facts were pointing to the end that he would rather not see coming. 

* * *

 Hank made preparations. These ones he kept secret from the others, even Charles. The professor was always a good enough man to stay out unless absolutely necessary or asked.

First it was something simple like labels around the lab and the room he shared with Alex.  Names and faces of every student and co-worker at the school were put on placards he kept on him at all times. Hank found himself a lot more flustered every time the space between episodes shortened. It was touching that Charles was trying so hard to find a way to help him, but they both knew it was pointless. Logan stubbornly insisted daily that his blood could help. But this was one of those things that would never be cured for long.

Alex had taken to more time in the bunker getting as many blasts out as he could. The news had been worse than he thought it would be, and it just meant another person he would lose. When they were alone and no one else could be around to see he would cling and Hank would pretend not to feel the wet stains that would form on his shirts. The sex was a lot more constant, and fueled by their desperation to keep one another. Alex’s moans were louder with the emotion built up behind them while Hank’s hips were faster in fear that at any second he could forget why they were fucking in the first place. Hank’s appearance was stuck as his blue furry beast, unable to recall how he was able to go back to having pale flesh.

So far the mornings of waking up without a memory of their relationship or Alex’s identity were few. They knew that could change any day, any second. It led the two to have a shotgun wedding up in Niagara Falls with the Professor, Jean Grey, and Alex’s brother Scott as the witnesses. Bobby Drake might have insisted on tagging along with Warren right behind him. That left a grumpy (as always) Logan chaperoning them. They all parted ways after the marriage certificate was authenticated which led the newlyweds in a motel room.

“Ungh, _fuck_ , Hank!” Alex gasped; eyes wrenched shut as big hands guided his hips down in a flurry. The room was filled with the sounds of harsh breaths, fur matted with the sweat coming off of Alex’s slick body. There were bruises in the shape of Hank’s hands forming in several places on the fair skin but Alex was sure as hell not complaining about it. He’ll take any mark Hank gives him and gladly brag about it to anyone he can later.

Hank growled softly at the fire in his belly, teeth sinking into the fresh bite on Alex’s shoulder. The blond let out a low moan as fingers searched to find purchase in the soft fur of Hank’s head.

The beast wrapped an arm around Alex’s waist before rolling him onto his back. Teeth clanged as they met each other in a rough kiss. Hank grabbed the blond’s knees to push his legs up for a new angle to get into his new husband deeper, brushing against his prostate and getting a shout raised out of him.

“Shit!” Alex’s hand flew to the headboard and gripped it, body taking on a slightly reddish tint from his own mutation thanks to the level of pleasure he was being hit with by each hit of his prostate. Hank could feel the build up of his own heat, ready to boil over any second.  He could never get enough of Alex, not even the fear of his fading life could stop him from having that right now.  Thrusts began to get more erratic, the sounds from the beast turning more animalistic. Both things just sent more blood down into Alex’s cock and encouraged the noises coming from his own mouth.

“Hank I’m—Shit, I’m gonna cum!”

That spurred Hank to move his mouth down from Alex’s neck. He stopped when he reached a pink half-hard nipple, mouth watering before he even ran his rough tongue against it. Alex’s chest lurched up into the warm heat of Hank’s mouth and the beast didn’t question it, latching on to tug and play with it until it was stiff under his ministrations.

It was mere seconds before Alex came, uncoiling like a too tight spring. The sound alone was a glorious symphony to Hank’s ears. The look of pure bliss on the blond’s face was another piece of perfection. And then the way the boy constricted around his cock so tightly, so deliciously, it pumped him into his own climax. Hank could feel his cum pulsing out, filling deep inside Alex and making the blond groan. He made sure to be flush against him as the base of his cock began to swell. It always gave Hank a animalistic satisfaction being able to watch the boy beneath him stretch around the growing knot, to watch the muscles quiver around it. Alex made a brief noise of distress as the knot took its full size and sealed the cum inside the perky ass, to which the beast responded by rubbing gentle circles into the base of his spine to ease the discomfort. 

Hank also took the opportunity of normalizing breaths to carefully move them again, letting Alex be more comfortable by returning him to his lap. The blond promptly slumped against him and snuggled against his chest.

“God I love ya.” Alex panted out.

A rumble started in the beast’s chest as he rubbed the other mutant’s back. “I love you too,” he replied, the sentiments leaving a fluttering warmth. He wanted to hold onto this moment for as long as he could.

“Think the kids are okay?” Alex asked after several moments filled with them working on their breathing and basking in the afterglow.

“The better question should be if Logan is okay.” Hank mused.

Alex snorted. “It’s a good thing Scott and Jean aren’t hard to handle.”

“And Charles is with them, so that should help.”

“Not even the Professor can handle a bundle of kids when they’re like Bobby. I won’t be surprised if he freezes the fuckin’ Falls.”

“Yes, because that is exactly what we need.” The beast shook his head in amusement.

The two of them shared a soft smile, and then a soft kiss.

It was a moment that Hank would grasp at over and over, begging to go back to it when he was lucid enough to understand what it meant.

* * *

 There were no good days anymore.

Hank’s frustrations grew and grew, which led to more and more outbursts. All the looks he was given by the students and faculty. Even Logan carried a look of pity for him and he couldn’t take it!

“Hank! What the fuck are you doing?!”

The not-so-much-anymore scientist was struggling to grip the syringe in his giant paw-like hand. There were already dozens broken and shattered around him. They were useless and he was too forgetful of his strength.

“What does it look like?” he returned in a snarl.

“Put it down.” Alex tried to coax, taking cautious steps closer. “You could—“

“What? Hurt myself?” Hank’s laughter was cold as he turned his gaze onto the blond. “Does it make a damn difference now?”

“It does to me!”

“You? Why would you care?”

“Because you’re my Bozo! I’m always gonna care, you dipshit, you’re my husband!”

Hank gave him a look, brows pinched together and lips curled. “What?”

The pain was so obvious on Alex’s face that it broke the beast’s heart. He didn’t know why it would, why the blond who made his life a living hell would call him that, but it felt wrong to react any other way.

“You don’t…” he faltered. Alex cleared his throat, but the words were different. “Married. We got married. I wouldn’t joke about that kind of shit, Bozo.”

There was a hazy playback in his mind. Like a roll of film that’s been left uncared for and the images have long since began to fade into nothing.  **Niagara Falls. The kiss. Bobby and Warren forcibly carried under Logan’s arms. The motel room.** Hank felt like there was a too fine edge beneath his feet and no action would lead him to safety. His gut felt like it was dropped to the cold floor, eyes stung as if he’d put some toxic chemical into them. His hand uncurled and let the syringe roll onto the counter as he slumped on the stool.

“I just…I needed to remember.” Hank sighed.

“Remember what? How to give me a panic attack?” Alex snarked; it wasn’t hiding how he really felt but it did work making the other mutant feel worse.

“I thought if I could remember the serum I made then I’d be able to stop looking like this again. That maybe if I remembered that then I could figure out Logan’s serum like before even if it doesn’t work that long on me.”

“Jesus, Hank,” the blond grabbed a stool and pulled it up next to his husband. He grabbed the furred hand with both of his own, trying not to smack Hank upside the head. “you could get yourself killed if you don’t do it right.”

“I know that, Alex, thank you.”

“I’m here wanting you to fight as hard as you fucking can. But don’t do it in a way that’ll hurt you. I can’t…It’s bad enough this thing is taking you from me. I’ve lost enough people I care about already.”

“I know.” Hank repeated, this one softer. “I promise you won’t lose me.” The blond could only nod. Hank pulled his husband close, and they sat there in silence, just clinging to one another while they still could.

 **Darwin, Angel, Raven, Sean…Erik…** They’ve all been forced to lose their friends one by one. He didn’t want Alex to suffer. But it felt like it was such an inevitable thing.

* * *

Being human again was strange but comforting. Everything else was pure Hell.

Words were slipping from his grasp quicker and quicker. There were more mornings that he woke up alarmed by the man next to him in bed than waking up to the sight of his gorgeous husband. They were all long used to taking the hand they were dealt.

Hank was finding his capability to hold on shrink. He was losing everything he loved from his books to his scientific research to the boy with plasma beams that he married before he could forget why he’d want to.

A note on the bedside table was all he left. It contained his apology that he couldn’t be strong enough to stay when all he could do was have his life unwillingly deteriorate. That he loved Alex. And that he hoped that as his best friend Charles would understand. 

Strangely enough, Hank thought the most decent way to go was to overdose. For all intents and purposes it would be painless for him, no mess. He wouldn’t force Alex to see something so horrifying. And it was something even his fading mind wouldn’t be able to mess up.

He set the vials on the rim of the bathtub as he took a seat. The _Morphine_ and _Roxanol_ weren’t hard to find with all his labels still up in the lab…even with it half destroyed. He couldn’t remember what happened to it, but he never had the chance to try and clean it up. The brunet let himself relax, he was already calmer than he expected to be. Now that he was close to the end, everything was brighter and clearer. He pulled out a syringe from his drawer and pulled off the cap, connecting a needle before picking up each vile one by one.

A sound from the hallway made him freeze. Hank looked up at the doorway, cocked his head, and listened more closely. Footsteps, laughter, it continued on past the room. Coast is clear. 

He let out a heavy breath and closed his eyes. It’d be like falling asleep, that’s all it was.

 _Don’t overthink it now._ Hank chastised himself. _Just do it._

Another second of hesitation passed before he stuck the needle into his vein and pushed the plunger down in one fell swoop. The only sting was that of the meds filling his bloodstream. _It shouldn’t take long now._

First it was his body that felt heavy. Hank welcomed the sign of his impending end. Hank could feel it getting harder to breathe, so he took as many slow deep breaths as he could. It wasn’t until his eyes were blurry and lids were heavy that he was no longer alone.

“ _Hank_!”

He wanted to tell the person it was okay. That he was all better now and soon there wouldn’t be any pain. He wanted to say those things, but he no longer felt any connections to his mouth.

“Get him out of there, quickly!”

“Hank, hold on, you son of a bitch! Hank! Look at me!”

There was nothing he could do to stop the gripping hands lifting him out of the cold porcelain tub. Voices were fading, like cotton balls were shoved into his ears or someone was turning the radio’s volume down.

As the darkness came he swore he felt a dull tickle in the back of his mind.

_Oh, Charles…_

* * *

 The bed was a nice place. Hank liked to stay in it, away from all the people.

The Professor and the blond…Alex?...liked to give him shots every day. He didn’t know what they were for, something about not being blue anymore? Being blue sounded like it could be cool.

The blond always hovered. Sometimes he gave kisses, which were surprisingly nice, or he’d just pet brown locks of hair or squeeze a hand or try to insist on eating. Hank would feel so torn with why he was even letting any of it happen. But Alex was nice. He looked sad all the time, though.

There was a room that he’d always pass whenever he went looking for the library. It had a sign on it that said L-A-B with his name under it, but he didn’t know why. He’s never had the chance of having his own L-A-B. What is it anyways? Whatever goes on in it, there’s always a bunch of ruckus.

Hank liked sitting in the library. There were tons of books in there he could look at. He didn’t understand a lot of the words and would lose his place most of the time but he still tried. Sometimes there would be other people in the library to get books. Most of them gave him sad looks, but he didn’t know why. Were they all sad about something? They were in a library, that should be fun!

The Professor would sit with him and teach him to play chess. Hank liked to play but he didn’t remember a lot of moves and they’d start over a bunch. But the Professor didn’t seem to mind it. He was really nice and patient about it.

If it was the blond with him, though, then it was super quiet. They’d sit in the comfy chairs while a fire would be going, or there would be hot coco or some yummy tangy lemonade. Hank didn’t like to talk much anyways, it was easy to get frustrated with the words he couldn’t think up.

So far this time Hank was alone. The blond had been asleep when he woke up this morning so he went off to explore the big house on his own and ended up finding the library.  He wandered around the room initially, fingers running along the many spines of every book he could reach on the shelves. Hank couldn’t recognize any of the words on the covers, but blue was his favorite color so he grabbed the first blue book he saw and took a seat. The pages were smooth to the touch, the black ink stark against them. As his eyes went over the words, Hank’s mind didn’t click. It was all foreign to him, like a baby threw gargled sounds onto the pages. How did anyone read these things?

“What do you have there today, Hank?”

Hank looked over his shoulder to see the Professor wheeling over to him, the usual gentle smile on his face.  The former scientist pushed his glasses up further onto his nose before returning it with a tentative smile of his own.

 _Can’t figure it out,_ he thought to the telepath. Words weren’t easy for him to form verbally anymore, either. His tongue just didn’t know how to pronounce them.

“I see.” Charles nodded slowly. There was something that flickered in the older man’s eyes but he couldn’t tell. There was a quiet whirr as the wheelchair moved forward, stopping when the telepath was in front of him.  Hank offered the book to him, to which Charles took it to look over.

 _Blue’s my favorite color,_ Hank informed. He pulled his legs up to his chest and rested his chin on his knees while observing the telepath.

The Professor’s lips quirked up. Did he say something funny? “I had a feeling.” He replied. He flipped through a few pages before shutting the book and handing it back over. “Where’s Alex?”

 _Ale_ x? Hank furrowed his brows. Was that the name of the blond that was in his bed this morning? _He was asleep._

The telepath didn’t respond immediately to the answer, a distanced gaze in his eyes as he tilted his head. “It sounds like he might be up now.” He murmured. “I do believe he’s looking for you.”

Hank sat up and looked around as if the blond was already in the room with them. It took a second or two for him to recall that Charles was hearing him from somewhere else, and his cheeks heated up as he settled back down. Charles chuckled softly at him but he wasn’t sure if it was a completely real one. The library doors opened a few minutes later with Alex right there looking in worriedly. When their eyes met the relief flooded in, but Alex didn’t say anything. He joined the two brunets, taking a seat in the free chair.

 “Morning, Professor.” Alex bid.

“Good morning, Alex.” Charles returned with a nod.

“Morning, Hank,” he continued, eyes moving to rest on his husband.

“H-hi.” He responded, the word sounded a lot breathier than he thought it might have been.  It was about the only word he could say still without a struggle.

“I should get to class.” The Professor announced. “Can’t leave those children unattended, otherwise there might be a repeat of the trouble you and Sean used to get yourselves into.”

The blond scoffed but didn’t move his gaze from Hank. “We weren’t that bad.”

“As I recall, there was a morning we found the two of you passed out in the bunker after you had spent the night getting high and emptying the pantry of its liquor.”

“So that was _one_ night, we were being teenagers.”

“It is pointless to lie to a telepath, Alex. I’ve seen everything you two had done.”

Alex didn’t blanch or tense, just rolled his eyes in an affectionate manor.

 _Bye, Professor,_ Hank thought to the man as he started to wheel away.

 _Goodbye, Hank,_ Charles replied. _I will see you sometime later._

He wasn’t sure what to do after that. Hank was comfortable just in the blond—Alex’s—company. He didn’t have things he was in dire need of saying, he was good with just being there re-opening the book in his hands to flip through the unreadable pages. He could feel Alex watching him; he was okay with it for some unknown reason. He always liked Alex’s attention. Alex always seemed to like it when they were around each other, too. Or at least Hank hoped so. Things would be lonely without him.

“It’s stuffy in here.” The blond voiced when the silence seemed to be too long for him. “Let’s go for a walk, Bozo. Let those big feet of yours stretch out.”

Hank looked down at his feet, he didn’t think they were super big. No one ever said anything about them anymore so he thought it was okay. It didn’t feel like Alex was saying it to be mean, anyways.  He carefully set the book aside, he could put it back in its place later (where was its place again? The Professor wouldn’t be mad if he just left it in this spot, would he?) and stood up with the blond. A walk would be nice like he said. Fresh air was always good.

It was the beginning of spring, carrying with it the last of the cool wind while the sun poked out from behind the light clouds. Flowers were beginning to bloom around the mansion. Hank would pick some of the flowers and study them whenever he was brought outside. He always gave Alex the pretty red ones whenever he found them since they reminded him of the beams the blond could expend. There were tons of kids outside; some taking a walk through the garden, others relaxing under trees for the light shade, using the benches. There was even a group playing around with things that looked like discs you throw around and catch! While he didn’t like being around a lot of the other people here, Hank was okay with a walk just him and Alex or Charles. Sometimes the man with metal claws, too. The gravel felt cooling underneath his feet, and tickled a bit like when you walk in grainy sand. Sometimes when they were out here he would get a desire to run and see how many times he could pass Alex or the Professor.

This time though, walking was fine. The perfect mix of season was around them and he liked the way it felt with their hands laced together between them. Was this what people did all the time when they liked someone?

It was in these moments Hank did wish he could make his mouth say things. At least the moments he could remember.  Which…weren’t a lot. But still! He wanted to be able to carry a conversation with Alex instead of it looking like they were stuck in their private thoughts. Some of his private thoughts were things he wanted to share with the blond. The only form of communication alone they had was questions Alex would ask and then he’d make gestures to answer, or they’ll squeeze their hands. It was like a long game of charades. Charades was fun. Maybe they can play tonight with the Professor and the man with claws.  He wished he had claws like that; they could be fun to play with, too. He wondered if there was a way to separate them from the man’s body--

Hank was brought back from his mish mash of thoughts when the blond stopped them. Alex took a seat on the bench they’d stopped in front of and tugged Hank down with him.

“You know who I am, don’t you?” Alex asked after some silence.

Hank nodded in answer; that was a silly question to ask.

“And you know what we are?” he continued, to which the brunet nodded again and lifted their hands up for a moment. “Good, that’s…good.”

Alex fell silent again. Hank was confused, why wouldn’t he know? The blond scrubbed fingers through his short hair in agitation. Then suddenly he was making an irritated sound that transformed into a laugh that didn’t sound like a normal laugh at all.

“I’m usually the one who leaves.” He told his husband. “I get out quick so that I no one gets hurt. To fucking hurt someone who didn’t deserve it, that’s…it’s what made me a monster who did everything they could to keep away from the children. Then the Professor and Erik found me and I thought ‘hey, people like me, what’s the worst that can happen being around them instead of normal people?’” Alex slumped forward with his arms resting on his thighs. “God I was so fucking wrong.

“And you know what makes it worse?” he barreled on without actually waiting on an answer but Hank didn’t have the feeling he wanted one in the first place. “Watching Darwin die felt like shit. I couldn’t do a thing to save him, and Shaw had used my own ability to do it. Then Sean got killed because of Trask and I couldn’t do shit about that either since I was stuck in Vietnam being held until they could make me the next guinea pig. But none of that fucking compares to how much it kills me not being able to help you all these months.”

But he didn’t need help. That was just confusing Hank even more, what was he doing that Alex thought he needed help with? Alex cupped Hank’s cheek for a second, but just sighed and let the hand drop as he returned to his earlier position.

“Fucked up thing is you have no clue what the hell I’m talking about anymore, do you?” he sounded so resigned, so defeated. Hank just wanted to make it all better but he didn’t know how! “We’re gonna figure this shit out, Hank. That’s a promise. I’m gonna help Charles find a way to fix you, I don’t care how long it takes ‘cuz I love you and after everything we’ve had to deal with I’m not losing you and you’re sure as hell not losing me. Got it?”

Hank didn’t know how to answer any of that. He was lost, and could only grasp at pieces of all that. His stomach was warm and fluttery, was that from the ‘I love you’? He would return that if he could. When the blond looked at him, and all he could see was something akin to desperation, the rest of him answered without any more thinking.

The kiss was gentle. Hank wasn’t used to being the one starting them. Alex seemed okay with it, and the returning pressure was a nice kind. He wanted to have more, if he could.

“Y-yes.” He grunted out as he pulled back, head moving in a nod. Hank wanted Alex to stay, as long the blond was willing to.

Relief. Glee. Determination. They flittered through across Alex’s face as he unwound. He reached down and took Hank’s hand back, fingers interlocking gently before the squeeze came.

Alex felt safe to Hank. He was home. Hank didn’t know many things, but he did know one thing.

**He would never forget home.**

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope everyone enjoyed it.  
> I'm actually considering writing a second part or small sequel that's more in Alex's point of view.


End file.
